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Tech Writing Folklore and Minstrelsy
Here it is, Folks!
The long-awaited summary of Tech Writing Folklore and Minstrelsy!
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From Barry Campbell:
Brace yourself. Then click this:
http://www.ulyssis.student.kuleuven.ac.be/~bob/various/computersongs.txt
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From Dave Hickey:
I can't tell you if they have tech writing folk songs, but one of my web
sites is a jumpstation for Canadian Folk Music. It's at
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Valley/2966/
Check out the Folk Sites section. There's plenty of folk-music related sites
in there.
*****************************************
From Dianne K. Phelan:
http://www.mudcat.org/folksearch.html
Search on "computer" to find several parodies.
Technical Writer 1
http://www.documentation.com/techwrit%5Frecords/100196%2D45.htm
"Technical Writer" by Alan Manifold, to the tune of Paperback Writer
Dr. Seuss 1
http://www.initco.net/~suzen/seuss.html
"If Dr. Seuss Wrote Tech Manuals" by Sam Coleman
(not to a tune, but one could found or created, or
this could easily be chanted or rapped)
"The Raven" parody,
Anonymous (also no tune)
http://www.al.com/humor/jokes/eapoe.html
"Lines Found in the Wastebasket of a Vacant Office"
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From Catherine Saxby, Marilyn Baldwin, and Trent Clowater:
The Beatles Updated <VERY Funny!>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yesterday
---------
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
===================================
Eleanor Rigby
-------------
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
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Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while...
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
===================================
Unix Man
--------
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans
For nobody.
Knows the blocksize from du(1)
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?
UNIX Man, please listen(2)
My lpd(8) is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command.
He's as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me At all?
UNIX Man, don't worry
Test with time(1), don't hurry UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned. He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody ...
Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody.
==================================
Write in C ("Let it Be")
------------------------
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
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As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
=========================
Something
---------
Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!
Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now
You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me...
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I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
"Alpha's just another word for nothin' left to lose.
Beta's not much better, but it's free."
*****************************************
From Jennifer Delmerico:
Computer Hillbillies
(To the tune of the theme to the Beverly Hillbillies)
> > >
> > >Come and listen to story about a man named Jed,
> > >A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed,
> > >But then one day he was talking to a recruiter,
> > >Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer..."
> > >
> > >UNIX, this is... CRTs... Workstations...
> > >
> > >Well, the first thing ya know old Jed's an Engineer.
> > >The kinfolk said, "Jed, move away from here".
> > >They said, "Arizona is the place ya oughta be",
> > >So he bought some donuts and he moved to Ahwatukee...
> > >
> > >Intel, that is... dry heat... no amusement parks...
> > >
> > >On his first day at work, they stuck him in a cube.
> > >Fed him more donuts and sat him at a tube.
> > >They said, "your project's late, but we know just what to do.
> > >Instead of 40 hours, we'll work you 52!"
> > >
> > >OT, that is... unpaid... mandatory...
> > >
> > >The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad.
> > >Schedules started slipping and some managers were mad.
> > >They called another meeting and decided on a fix.
> > >The answer was simple... "We"ll work him sixty-six!"
> > >
> > >Tired, that is... stressed out... no social life...
> > >
> > >Months turned to years and his hair was turning grey.
> > >Jed worked very hard while his life slipped away.
> > >Waiting to retire when he turned 64,
> > >Instead he got a call and escorted out the door.
> > >
> > >Laid off, that is... de-briefed... unemployed...
> > >
> > >Now the moral of the story is listen to what you're told,
> > >Companies will use you and discard you when you're old.
> > >So gather up your friends and start your own firm,
> > >Beat the competition, watch the bosses squirm.
> > >
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> > >Millionaires, that is... Bill Gates... Steve Jobs...
********************************************
From Marilyn Baldwin:
Sung to the Tune of Giligan's Island
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
Of the doom that is our fate,
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date,
Two digits for a date.
Main memory was smaller then;
Hard disks were smaller, too.
"Four digits are extravagant,
So let's get by with two,
So let's get by with two."
"This works through 1999,"
The programmers did say.
"Unless we rewrite before that
It all will go away,
It all will go away."
But management had not a clue:
"It works fine now, you bet!
A rewrite is a straight expense;
We won't do it just yet,
We won't do it just yet."
Now when two thousand rolls around
It all goes straight to hell,
For zero's less than ninety-nine,
As anyone can tell,
As anyone can tell.
The mail won't bring your pension check.
It won't be sent to you
When you're no longer sixty-eight,
But minus thirty-two,
But minus thirty-two.
The problems we're about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code's
The only certain cure,
The only certain cure.
There's not much time, there's too much code,
(And COBOL-coders, few).
When the century is finished with,
We may be finished, too,
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We may be finished, too.
The way to get the time we need I now propose to you:
A Daylight Savings decade,
Or maybe even two,
Or maybe even two.
Eight thousand years from now I hope
That things weren't left too late,
And people aren't lamenting
Four digits for a date,
Four digits for a date.
<><><><><><><><><><>
Owed to a Spell in Checker
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks eye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
You sure reel glad two no
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing.
It freeze yew lodes of thymes.
It helps me right awl stiles two reeds,
And aides me when aye rime.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite.
Of none eye am a wear.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to be a joule.
The checker poured oar every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
That's why aye brake in two averse
By righting wants two pleas.
Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas!.
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<><><><><><><><><><>
MUSINGS ON THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (Author Unknown)
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why
isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose,
2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter,
perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at
a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive
on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites,
while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be
hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly
or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens
or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
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creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
<><><><><><><><><><>
The complete parody. You've probably seen the last part before.
Dr. Seuss 2
A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandpa's Computer
- Gene Ziegler
(God bless you Dr. Seuss wherever you are!)
Bits Bytes Chips Clocks
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.
Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.
Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.
First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.
And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.
Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.
Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say....
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
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and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gunna crash.
You can't say this?
What a shame, sir!
We'll find you
another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side-effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window areas wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gunna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
<><><><><><><><><><>
From Trent Clowater:
Imagine
(Music: John LENNON - Lyrics: Hmmmmm...SUN??? )
>> =======================================================
>>
>> Imagine there's no WINDOWS
>> It's easy if you try
>> No fatal errors or new bugs
>> To kill our hard drives
>> Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
>> Leaving us in peace!
>>
>> Imagine neverending hard disks
>> It isn't hard to do
>> Nothing to del or wipe off
>> And no floppy too
>> Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
>> Sharing all his world
>>
>> You may say I'm a hacker
>> But I'm not the only one
>> I hope someday you'll join us
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>> And our games will fit in RAM
>>
>> Imagine 1-giga RAM
>> I wonder if you can
>> No need for left-shift or setups
>> And no booting again and again
>> Imagine all Operating Systems
>> Working all life-time!
>>
>> You may say I'm a hacker
>> But I'm not the only one
>> Maybe someday I'll become a cracker
>> Then I'll make my WINDOWS run !
***********************************************
Other Lists & References
From Faith Wallis:
The Stan Rogers song is called "White Collar Holler"....*smile*
You might also try Kevin Walsh's web page at http://cube.ice.net/~kwalsh/musicroom.html
and see if the links might lead you somewhere.
I love songs like this...especially certain ones like "Write in C" (to the tune of "Let it Be") and "You can build a
mainframe from the things you have at home".
*********************************
From Isabel Whitfield:
Amongst science fiction fandom there
exists a subgroup called "filkers". Filkers are those who perform
(write, play, sing) "filk" songs, folk songs (originally, but now covering all styles:
rock, jazz, rap) that have been "adapted" (or written as originals) to be
about science fiction, fantasy, fandom and, often, science. For a reason that is
obviously completely unrelated to the extremely high incidence of people who work
in or with computers in science fiction fandom, quite often the science filks are
computer filks. The only one that comes to mind is an adaption of "Gimme
that old time religion" (Tom Lehrer?) to "Gimme that old time computing" but I
have heard dozens and dozens of others. Some use original tunes, some are obvious
adaptations, some just do completely new words to a well-known tune - golden rule: if
you're ever stuck for a tune try Greensleeves. I have yet to find a piece of
text that can NOT be fitted to Greensleeves and that includes the Yellow Pages!
There are quite a few published books of filk and many, many tapes/CDs
of filk songs (there are publishers that specialise and some performers who make
a living in the field). Usually, computer specific filks are mixed up as part of
general collections, although I can recall seeing tapes that were purely
collections of computer filk, I may even own one. I can best suggest that she ask her
members, to ask around for science fiction fans who go to conventions, there are
lots of fans and conventions on the West Coast of USA especially in the Bay area
-
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although I realise that just because she's from Bay Area Networks
doesn't means she's based in that area.
Places to try on the web: the best place to start would be
M.A.S.S.F.I.L.C (a group of New England filkers) www.lovesong.com/massfilc/ - their website
has links to other sites, publishers, sources, info etc. Other places to
look include LASFS (the LA Science Fiction Society) www.lasfs.com and NESFA (the New
England SF Association) www.nesfa.org (the latter are the publishers of the
NESFA Hymnals 1 & 2 - which are general, not computer specific, collections of filk songs).
There are other instances of computer humour. I posses a copy of a book
(though I'm not sure where it's put away) called something like "The Silicon
Bible - the gospel according to St. Silicon" which includes prayers, poems,
parables, stories etc. It was commercially published a few years ago in the US. It might
be an early offshoot of the Church of the Sub-Genius, best described as a
self-satirising religion. Again, I bought it at a convention.
A number of SF conventions feature panels on "What computing were like
when I were a lad" or similar - people who've been in it a while swap stories
that are true (mostly) that seem unbelievable or ridiculous to many of the under
thirties in the audience.
<snip>
-- 
Isabel Whitfield, London, England
"I am Bill Gates of Borg. You will be assimilated.
Resistance is fut -GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT in BORG.EXE-"
************************************************
From Jeanie Murphy (with thanks to her brother Steve):
My brother, Steve Murphy, sent along your listserve request. I'm a former
tech editor actually trying to get back into the field now (after some
years in academia). A friend of mine from years back who I've lost touch
with, Craig Brandis of Moose Stool Records wrote this. "OGC" refers to the
Oregon Graduate Center, which I believe is now the Oregon Graduate
Institute, a true nerd haven. The tune is "Acres of Clams."
Acres of Nerds: The OGC Fight Song
I gave up my job down at Herfys
No more burgers and hot buns for me,
I headed out west to try research
In a country they call OGC.
In a country they call OGC, in a country they call OGC,
I headed out west to try research, in a country they call OGC.
(chorus)
At first I thought I'd found heaven
Sweet flowers and green rolling lawn,
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Computers of every description
And mouthwash in every john.
They told me that budgets are tight here
My stipend is no princely sum,
So be sparing when using the copier
And for God's sake don't Xerox your bum.
We only have heat in the morning
And lighting is turned on at ten,
Toilet paper is costing us dearly
Please recycle and use it again.
I never do see my professor
He consults often during the week,
So I just wrote a small shell script
It gives me the answers I seek.
Our colloquium series is nifty
On world-renowned speakers I gaze.
And if I'm the first one to get there
The cookies can last me for days.
To find funding is surely a talent
The most gifted among us do say,
If you want to pay for your research
Sell your plasma, it's the only way.
This knave of a man in the white house [worked then, works now!]
His appearances tend to deceive,
One thing I do know for certain
He's doing it to you and to me.
I finally see my new future
It has all gone according to plan
Today I will finish my thesis
And tomorrow I leave for Japan.
**********************************
From Rex Ungericht:
Here's some lyrics I wrote a few years back.
Technical Writer 2
lyrics copyright 1995 Rex Ungericht / music: Paperback Writer (Beatles)
I like to write, I like computers too
And I want a job that will combine the two
I talked it over with some friends of mine
And they said that I should find employment as a technical writer
Technical Writer
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I've mastered every game on my PC
And I use a database of recipes
I've got a program that'll track my bills
So I've got computer skills enough to be a technical writer
Technical Writer
I used to work as a stenographer
And I've published letters to the editor
I won a poetry award this year
So I think it's clear that I can write and be a technical writer
Technical Writer
A daemon's something from a fairy tale
And GUI well describes a garden snail
DOS is Spanish for the number two
But what do these questions have to do with being Technical Writer
Technical Writer
Thanks for taking time to talk with me
I would like employment with this company
You can see that I am really on the ball
I'll be waiting for your call to tell me I'm a technical writer
Technical Writer
Rex Ungericht (rwu@aol.com)
**************************************
From Steve Jong:
Ed Enos
[After "Tit-Willow"]
All the Red System users are pounding their keys,
Crying Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
When we rush to meet deadlines why must this thing freeze?
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
Are the disks, overburdened, refusing to turn?
Are the cables that link us beginning to burn?
And it's surely not Andy--he'll never return!
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
When we log in and notice our files are all gone--
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
When our bitches and grumbles are met with a yawn--
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
When suggested improvements are shot down in flames,
When we get ninety errors in document names,
Who's the poor wretched devil whom everyone blames?
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
Now I'm sure, as I'm sure that I'd not like to be
Mister Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos,
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Both computers and people expect T.L.C.
From Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos;
So if you need to find him, and happen to see
That he's shooting the breeze with some young secret'ry,
Just repeat to yourself, "Well, he puts up with me!"
Oh, Enos--Ed Enos--Ed Enos!
I Am Director of the Tech Pubs Corps
[After "I Am the Captain of the Pinafore"]
I am director of the Tech Pubs corps--
(Chorus) --And a fine director too!
You're very, very good, and I only wish we could
Pay you much more than we do.
(Chorus) --We're very, very good, and he wishes that they could
Pay us much more than they do.
I'm always circumspect, show genuine respect,
Use business practice sound;
I'm never overheard dressing down a manager,
And I never throw my weight around!
(Chorus) --What, never?
No, never!
(Chorus) --What--NEVER?
Well, hardly ever!
(Chorus) --Hardly ever throws his weight around!
Let's give three cheers, and one cheer more
For the deft director of the Tech Pubs corps!
Let's give three cheers, and one cheer more for
The leader of the Tech Pubs corps!
I do my best to understand your work--
(Chorus) --Why, you must read all our books!
You've generously praised, but I'm otherwise engaged
Keeping track of the furtive looks.
(Chorus) --We've generously praised, but he's otherwise engaged
Keeping track of the furtive looks.
Paul Derby, on his rounds, invariably sounds
A "Mutt and Jeff" retort;
A ponderous reply I smother with a sigh,
So I never cut his humor short.
(Chorus) --What, never?
No, never!
(Chorus) --What--NEVER?
Well, hardly ever!
(Chorus) --Hardly ever cuts his humor short!
So give three cheers, and one cheer more
For the courteous director of the Tech Pubs corps!
Let's give three cheers, and one cheer more for
The leader of the Tech Pubs corps!
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I don't require oaths of fealty--
(Chorus) --Why, you're just a regular guy!
I never any more, when I walk a corridor,
Feel the need to wear disguise.
(Chorus) --He never any more, when he walks a corridor,
Feels the need to wear disguise.
The malcontent imputs I'm polishing my boots
When I sit at my terminal;
But I know the feel of keys, I'm a whiz at CRTs,
And I never ask for help at all.
(Chorus) --What, never?
No, never!
(Chorus) --What--NEVER?
Well, hardly ever!
(Chorus) --He's hardly ever stuck at all!
So give three cheers, and one cheer more
For the high-tech director of the Tech Pubs corps!
Let's give three cheers, and one cheer more for
The leader of the Tech Pubs corps!
Poor Wandering One (for JTM)
Poor wandering one!
Searching for sweet inspiration;
Drifts through the hall,
Pissing off all-
Poor wandering one!
Poor wandering one!
Lost in profound contemplation;
Can't get in gear,
May lose his rear--
Poor wandering one!
The Ballad of Steve Jong
[After "When I Was a Lad"]
When I survived my college spell
I washed ashore at Mother Honeywell.
At first I did as rookies did--
Whenever possible I ran and hid.
(Chorus) --Whenever possible he ran and hid!
I hid so well that Ron Bergman
Proclaimed I was the lion of the Software den.
(Chorus) --He hid so well that Ron Bergman
Proclaimed he was the lion of the Software den!
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My hiding spared me agony
As other writers battled MDT.
While Smith-Coronas made their tempers slip
I managed baseball on a Multics VIP.
(Chorus) --He managed baseball on a Multics VIP!
That VIP so wowed Jim Batts he then
Declared me the lion of the
(Chorus) --His VIP so wowed Jim Batts he then
Declared he was the lion of the Software den!
By now my boss was mystified,
So he kicked me up to Irwin Wenger's side.
In Pub Analysis my call
Was to criticize the manuals of one and all.
(Chorus) --He criticized the manuals of one and all!
My efforts were rewarded when
I soon became the lion of the Software den.
(Chorus) --His efforts were rewarded when
He soon became the lion of the Software den!
My criticisms surely meant
I merited a post in Systems Management.
I fashioned tools in the E.T. way
And I tried to meet my quota of a crash each day.
(Chorus) --He tried to meet his quota of a crash each day!
My crashes moved a grateful Ken
To appoint me as the lion of the Software den.
(Chorus) --His crashes moved a grateful Ken
To appoint him as the lion of the Software den!
Ms. Bunney gladly took me in
For the writing staff by then was pretty thin.
I soon responded to an urgent call
By becoming the commissioner of volleyball!
(Chorus) --Becoming the commissioner of volleyball!
My gamesmanship turned fruitful when
She agreed I was the lion of the Software den.
(Chorus) --His gamesmanship was rewarded when
She agreed he was the lion of the Software den!
Now, writers all, whatever your place,
If you wish to achieve a perfect state of grace
Where meetings fill your list of things to do
And you never have to send a book out for review--
(Chorus) --You never have to send a book out for review--
Stay far from your desks...
And never touch a pen...
And you ALL may be lions of the Software den!
(Chorus) --Stay far from our desks and never touch a pen
And we all may be the lions of the Software den!
************************************************
Page 18
Page 18
Poem Fragment
From Susan Mahoney (Does anyone know the rest?):
I don't have any songs to contribute, but I do remember there
was a cute poem out there for awhile that started like this:
"I am a lonely manual,
I sit upon the shelf
I cannot help the user
Who will not help himself. "
It goes on to bewail it's shrink-wrap imprisonment, etc.
etc. If you haven't seen it, I'll try to track down the rest of
it & foward it on to you. I believe it's called "A Manual's Lament",
--author unknown.
******************************************
From Laura Hardy:
Print Some Fonts
=A9 1993 by Steven Weyhrich
(Sung to the tune of "At The Hop" by Danny & The Juniors)
You can bold it, you can style it
You can even outline it
With a font
You can shadow, you can plain it
You can always underline it
With a font
Join the print sensation
That's sweeping the nation
With a font
Let's go print some fonts
Let's go print some fonts
=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0(oh bay-bee)
Let's go print some fonts
Let's go print some fonts
Come
=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0on
Let's go print some fonts!
*********************************************
Page 19
Page 19
The 12 Months of Projects
From Ellen Fenwick (with thanks to Liz Babcock):
Here's an idea you might consider. The lyrics below are sung to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." I had
the numbers 1 through 12 written on 8-1/2x11 inch cards, with the verse for that number written on the back. So
you can recruit people from an audience without any rehearsal necessary - just stand them in line and hand out the
cards.
The context in which I used this was awards ceremonies for the STC publications competition. I titled it, "Why I did
not win an award this year."
On the x month of the project, my manager said to me:
(Month 1) I have to cut your staff in half.
(Month 2) Let the writers do the graphics.
(Month 3) Stop that work on standards.
(Month 4) I need to cut your budget.
(Month 5) Ignore those users.
(Month 6) Who needs an editor.
(Month 7) Engineers can do the writing.
(Month 8) We've reorganized.
(Month 9) We've added ten new features.
(Month 10) The product name has changed.
(Month 11) We only need one review,
(Month 11) No time to tes